Episode 6: Werewolf’s Exit Interview
Interviewer: How does it feel to be the first contestant sacrificed on the altar and leaving the island?
William: It isn’t too bad, really. If I wasn’t going to win, it’s better to get out early. I’ll be sitting at home drinking champagne and listening to Mozart while the rest of them are running around that island half starved.
Interviewer: Sounds nice. What about Nessa? Did you two have an alliance and do you think you’ll remain friends after the show?
William: I never thought I’d like an elf but Nessa was different. We didn’t have an official alliance, really. We just enjoyed each other's company.
Interviewer: That might explain why you sneaked into the dungeon before the others even found the entrance. I really thought it was a betrayal of Nessa. Did you guys secretly plan it that way?
William: No, she didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t think of it as a betrayal at all. I mean, she wasn’t the one on the altar.
Interviewer: Do you think if you’d had more time on the island that you and Nessa would’ve become a romantic item?
William: Since I became a werewolf I’ve always been a bachelor. I live a solitary life and don’t want to jeopardize others when that time of the month rolls around.
Interviewer: What did you think when Christina found the Immunity ring?
William: I’m not sure that’s appropriate material for the viewing audience. It was almost luck, really. She went one way and I went another. I am pleased with my bonus though. The producers let me keep all the rings I hauled up from the hidden treasure trove.
Interviewer: Is there anyone you want to see win the show, and is there anyone you hope doesn’t win?
William: I’d like Nessa to win. Maybe Ranzkin or Dedrick. I don’t want Paige to win. I still can’t believe the viewers chose to keep her over me. I guess zombies are more popular than I thought.
While soliciting questions for William, a friend of mine (who obviously doesn't read the show) sent me this:
Q. Mr. Werewolf, what's your favorite brand of shaving cream?
A. Well, Delilah, during most days of the month I prefer Gillette for sensitive skin. However, when the full moon comes up, I switch from a standard razor to veterinary grade sheers. Like the ones they use on llamas.
Q. But, I would think that during the full moon, you'd have other things going on than worrying about shaving.
A. I've always aspired to be like the werewolf in the classic Warren Zevon song, Werewolves of London. "I saw a werewolf drinking a pina coloda at Trader Vic's/ His hair was perfect." Being in an animal frenzy is no excuse for bad grooming.
I don't really know. I've never met a werewolf that I'm aware of, however I suspect I've dated one or two. Nor have I had an opportunity to really think about what I would ask one beyond "Please don't kill me."
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