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  #61  
Old 08-29-2012, 11:45 AM
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PixelLord PixelLord is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Roswitha View Post
1. 'use' should be 'us'. I would take out the 'Yeah'.
And a question mark after ...isn't it (?)
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  #62  
Old 08-29-2012, 12:27 PM
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Need a space between "why give" and the race name.
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  #63  
Old 08-29-2012, 01:39 PM
Roswitha Roswitha is offline
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This sounds kind of awkward. Here's a possible rewording.

The wise stand beside a Drox Operative. Only fools oppose. You knocked this sector apart like a house of cards and brought order to the chaos. Glory to you, Operative, and congratulations on another sector in your pocket.
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  #64  
Old 08-31-2012, 02:44 PM
ScrObot ScrObot is offline
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One of the new system modifiers is missing translations for both the name and description:
LevelModifierPlasmaStorms
LevelModifierPlasmaStormsDesc
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  #65  
Old 08-31-2012, 03:28 PM
Roswitha Roswitha is offline
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1. Variable problem. You might consider 'pieces' instead of 'death'.

2. Maybe talk about the propaganda first, because it caused the riots.

3. It's 'insidious'.
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File Type: jpg typo2.jpg (6.8 KB, 3 views)
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  #66  
Old 09-01-2012, 12:18 AM
Roswitha Roswitha is offline
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1. Something is wrong with this picture.

2. WarCriminal needs a space.

3. Armageddon has one 'g' and two 'd's.
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File Type: jpg typo.jpg (17.2 KB, 5 views)
File Type: jpg typo2.jpg (4.8 KB, 3 views)
File Type: jpg typo3.jpg (3.2 KB, 2 views)

Last edited by Roswitha : 09-01-2012 at 01:10 AM.
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  #67  
Old 09-01-2012, 02:47 AM
Roswitha Roswitha is offline
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1. 'breech' should be 'breach'. I think it's in several other places. You need a period instead of a comma after 'critical'.
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  #68  
Old 09-06-2012, 11:55 AM
Roswitha Roswitha is offline
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1. 'wish' should be 'wishes'.

2. 'was' should be 'is', or possibly "that's".

3. 'is' should be 'are'. You might want a period after 'normal'.

Enjoying the game.
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  #69  
Old 09-08-2012, 07:07 PM
Roswitha Roswitha is offline
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1. 'They' should be 'it'.

2. 'breech' should be 'breach' in the third sentence.

3. Here's a possible rewrite for the last few sentences.
The spiders are immune to all known poisons, and mutating another animal to kill them seems like a bad idea. We want to kill them the old-fashioned way but we need some supplies. Hurry up though. It seems their favorite food is us.

4. No comma after 'attack'.
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File Type: jpg typo2.jpg (19.8 KB, 3 views)
File Type: jpg typo3.jpg (32.5 KB, 2 views)
File Type: jpg typo4.jpg (18.9 KB, 4 views)
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  #70  
Old 09-10-2012, 12:11 PM
Roswitha Roswitha is offline
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1. 'broke' should be 'broken'. 'planet' should be plural.

2. A comma splice is where you have two complete sentences separated by a comma. You can either replace the comma with a period, or put 'and', 'or', or 'but' after the comma.
In the second paragraph, you have a comma splice between the first two sentences. I'd recommend a period. You might consider another period after 'accepted' since that sentence is pretty long.

3. Variable problem with the reward.
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File Type: jpg typo2.jpg (38.2 KB, 2 views)
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